The Unspoken

Breathing in, Breathing out, my hands and foot are sweated. I wish I could write it so I can breath properly and normally. Do you know the feeling of giving up on something you want the most? Or Hoping on something that is clearly unreachable ? Do you know the feeling when you can’t match up to the standards you’ve set for yourself? Or when you did your best and gave your utmost effort to achieve something  but all of the struggles just didn’t give an equal result? I feel that way. It seems like all the doors have been closed. And I'm just staring at the closed doors indefinitely, blankly, desperately. I still remember when I prayed so hard to God, sincerely asked Him for wisdom. “ Oh Allah, I know You know what I want. And even even more, You know how much I want that, and how hard I fight for that. I beg you, can you just approve it? And open the way for me please? Please God.I’ve done my part, and I let You do the rest. But, please, please give me this chance. I kn...

I’m tired dealing with the pessimistic me. A part of my self who always worry about what will I do and have done. I’m literally tired. Yesterday I had my second exam for getting my self a seat in postgraduate program.   Everything went well. Even though before the exam I got a little problem, it was rainy and I gotta go through it to get to my aunt’s house because the signal was not available at my home. And it was a pretty far distance. But talking about the exam, it really went very well. I didn’t have any significant problem like the first time. And I finished that 2 hour exam smoothly. With all of the struggles I had before the exam, I should be thankful and calm and happy and relax after that. But the fact was, I still worried about that. ‘ There must be something wrong ’. Yes, finishing something smoothly is quite unusual for me. And I re-checked my answer sheet and the questions, and I found it, that one thing! That one variable that totally wrong and ruined my answe...