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The Closed Doors

Breathing in, Breathing out, my hands and foot are sweated. I wish I could write it so I can breath properly and normally.

Do you know the feeling of giving up on something you want the most? Or Hoping on something that is clearly unreachable ? Do you know the feeling when you can’t match up to the standards you’ve set for yourself? Or when you did your best and gave your utmost effort to achieve something  but all of the struggles just didn’t give an equal result?

I feel that way. It seems like all the doors have been closed. And I'm just staring at the closed doors indefinitely, blankly, desperately.

I still remember when I prayed so hard to God, sincerely asked Him for wisdom. “Oh Allah, I know You know what I want. And even even more, You know how much I want that, and how hard I fight for that. I beg you, can you just approve it? And open the way for me please? Please God.I’ve done my part, and I let You do the rest. But, please, please give me this chance. I know everything is easy for you. Please just let it be.”

Night after night, I kept repeating the same wish. Deeply, religiously, diligently, patiently.

Until I found a picture on my phone. A picture with my favorite verse of Qur’an written there:

“...but perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you, and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah knows while you know not.” [Al-Baqarah: 216]

And I realized, I shouldn’t end up like this. Because the closed door will leads me to another chance, another opportunity.

And then I pray: “Oh Allah, Please give me the best. The best in Your version. And if what I want is not the best for me, please give me a courage and patience to accept your decision. And please forgive me.”

Now I know, the closed door is better than the wrong door. Allah knows what’s good for me. And I know nothing.
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