The Unspoken

Dear Satria Cendekia. It's been a year since the first time we met. Which means today is our first anniversarry (if I'm not mistaken). I look back to the time when we were together months ago. I miss our togetherness in the class, I miss our silly talk after lunch and pray, I miss our class, I miss going to Salman every friday, I miss our happiest vacation, I miss those alfaa, bravoo, charliee, and deltaa. I miss the phrase of ' what does the woman mean? ',  I miss that ' game miss, gameeee' in the speaking class I miss that 'cie cie'. I miss spending time together from 7 to 3, studying english for the sake of Toefl. When I close my eyes, I can still vividly remember the time we spent together. It gives me a mix feeling. It makes me smile but my eyes are teary at the same time. I miss those moments, and I miss you guys more. I really had a great 3 months in Bandung thanks to you guys. Now, the meeting is quite hard to set up because we stay in d...

Masa depan Indonesia Jaya Indonesia Jaya Lagu angkatan kami menggema di di aula wisma hijau. Tapi kali ini rasanya berbeda. Ini adalah terakhir kalinya kami menyanyikannya bersama-sama. Kembali ke seminggu lalu. pertemuan pertama dengan 130 orang-orang hebat dari berbagai penjuru Indonesia. Saya yang sebenarnya lebih suka mendengar dan menjadi penonton, memutuskan untuk menikmati setiap momen, mulai membuka diri dan mengekspresikan perasaan. Sesuatu yang sebenarnya sulit saya lakukan pada orang-orang baru. Bagi saya waktu 6 hari bukanlah waktu yang cukup untuk saling mengikat perasaan. Tapi hebatnya, mereka berhasil memikat hati dengan cara yang istimewa, semesta ikut mengakrabkan kita dengan cara yang tak biasa. Perpisahan yang kami sama tahu akan datang, memberikan perasaan campur aduk seakan tak ingin kehilangan momen-momen yang sudah dilewati. Bangga rasanya bisa menjadi bagian dari mereka, walaupun saya bukanlah siapa-siapa, hanya butiran marimas yang sekal...

Heyho!! We're currently in the second half of this year. So, how was this year treat you? This time I would like to share about the recap of the first half of 2016. Some bits and pieces that I've been going through in the last 6 months. I looked back and discovered some remarkable moments that happened during this incredible year. The good and the bad. So, here's the list: 1. Bandung and satria cendekia. The first remarkable moments I had this year is meeting new incredible people which is now my best friends. I also had a great time with them in Bandung for approximately three months. Our togetherness is not that long but I didn't know that it turns us into best friends for each other. Anyways, perhaps you're curious about the name of 'Satria Cendekia', I can't tell anything since I also forgot what makes us come up with that name. Haha. I remember the time when we have to back to our own place. I sent some of them to the airport. And althoug...

Breathing in, Breathing out, my hands and foot are sweated. I wish I could write it so I can breath properly and normally. Do you know the feeling of giving up on something you want the most? Or Hoping on something that is clearly unreachable ? Do you know the feeling when you can’t match up to the standards you’ve set for yourself? Or when you did your best and gave your utmost effort to achieve something  but all of the struggles just didn’t give an equal result? I feel that way. It seems like all the doors have been closed. And I'm just staring at the closed doors indefinitely, blankly, desperately. I still remember when I prayed so hard to God, sincerely asked Him for wisdom. “ Oh Allah, I know You know what I want. And even even more, You know how much I want that, and how hard I fight for that. I beg you, can you just approve it? And open the way for me please? Please God.I’ve done my part, and I let You do the rest. But, please, please give me this chance. I kn...

I’m tired dealing with the pessimistic me. A part of my self who always worry about what will I do and have done. I’m literally tired. Yesterday I had my second exam for getting my self a seat in postgraduate program.   Everything went well. Even though before the exam I got a little problem, it was rainy and I gotta go through it to get to my aunt’s house because the signal was not available at my home. And it was a pretty far distance. But talking about the exam, it really went very well. I didn’t have any significant problem like the first time. And I finished that 2 hour exam smoothly. With all of the struggles I had before the exam, I should be thankful and calm and happy and relax after that. But the fact was, I still worried about that. ‘ There must be something wrong ’. Yes, finishing something smoothly is quite unusual for me. And I re-checked my answer sheet and the questions, and I found it, that one thing! That one variable that totally wrong and ruined my answe...

Six years ago, I went to school normally. I met my friends and we talked about many things. We were nervous, but we also couldn’t wait to see the result of the exam. Yes, that day, the result of our national examination (UN) would be revealed. The bell rang after praying zhuhur. I walked enthusiastically to the school field. We were divided by our class and the result that was enveloped would be given by our teacher. I have five best friends in high school, and all of them already got their envelope. All of them passed the exam! I was so happy knowing that. Until it came to my my turn to open my envelope. It was written very clearly and explicitly. I couldn’t believe my sight for seconds. YOU FAIL. Failing on national exam had never crossed my mind. It is a nightmare for every student. I was not a brilliant student, yet I was not a stupid one either. But the fact is, I failed at one subject, the subject that I hate the most, Biology. Maybe you think that I wasn’t put my...

It's been ages since the last time I put my feeling into words. Life happens busily, by busily I mean no time for lazing around or watching my korean chinggu. My mother's healthy, some of my family's problems, and of course, my entrance exam for university, has been occupied on my mind and took most of my time for the last two months. But now, I just want to tell about my entrance exam which I just had yesterday. No, I'm not going to tell the description of the exam. It was really awfull. I just want to share about my feeling during and after that day. At that day, I realized that I have to be strong and dependent, because there is no one who's able to help me anytime. I have to stand on my own  because everyone has their own bussiness and asking for their help will surely take their valuable time. Whatever story that make me come up with this thingking, I will save it as my personal learning. Another thing is a very common thing. And this is the point of this...

In some previous post, I mentioned about things that got me run away . One of them is needle and medicine. But I think I didn’t talk much about medicine. It’s not that I am afraid of it, It’s because I don’t like it. I hate medicine. I am rarely sick since I was little. And even when I was sick, I wouldn’t take any medicine. Even when I get a fever, instead of taking a paracetamol, I prefer to drink more water, get more bedrest, and the next day, I will feel much better. I refuse to go to doctor because I know that the doctor will give me bunch of medicine. It went that way until my last year in university. Oh well, in my first year, I was hospitalized and I had to take a medicine every day. And in the second year, once again, I was hospitalized, but I didn’t take any medicine. Every morning the nurse came to my room to give a medicine, but I never touched it. In my last year, I had a very hectic schedule. There was almost no weekend, no holiday. And at that time, I often get...

I am writing this right after I accompanied my mom watering the flowers. I want to write about her since long long time ago, but I didn’t know how to start it ( excuse ). My mother is a great mother. The greatest mother on earth. I like almost everything about her. She is tough, religious, independent, beautiful, smart, good at cooking, and many other good things. I have no idea how lucky my father is to have such a complete package in one person like my mother. My mother is a full-time housewife. She was engaged with commerce for years, but something happened and she stopped. As a housewife, her family’s needs always comes first. She always ensured that my father, my brother and me get our meal on breakfast, lunch, and dinner on time. She does all the housework. She also takes care on house and yard. Especially when we don’t have a helper. My home is pretty big, and the yard is even bigger ( sounds like showing off, huh? NO, it’s not ). Taking care of this house and yard is ...

Couple weeks ago, before I came back to my hometown, I went to Trans Studio Bandung with my friends. And It took me by surprised when I found myself at one of the most dangerous rides (in my opinion), a giant swing. For my friends, it was nothing, but for me, it was the highest achievement of the year. The curiosity and the feeling of ‘I can do it’ force me to try this thing that I avoided before. Don’t ask about the feeling while the rides was playing. I never opened my eyes from the very start to the very end. What make me feel good was the feeling I had after that. I cannot describe it into words, but at that time, what came to my mind was ‘ see? It was just that, you didn’t die, you're still alive, it just one minute of flying and now you are here, safe .’ It always happens many times in my life. When I have to face things I don’t like, or I feel afraid of. In my second year of university, the association of mathematics students arranged a national seminar on maths mode...

I used to like to be alone. I can do anything I want without worrying about others. I always enjoy my me-time. I like to go to anywhere with myself because going with others will make me be depending on them. I liked to explore new places with myself. Yes, my self is enough for my company. I enjoyed being with my own. I liked to stay at my room for hours (with bunch of snacks, good movies, good dramas, good books). I didn't need any internet connection, I never touched my phone, and the door and window were always closed. Yes, I really enjoyed that. Sometimes, I went to the public space just with my own. Looking at the people, taking picture, doing silly things, alone. Sometimes I just went around the city by motorcycle with no direction. Alone. Sometimes I spent hours in bookstore (Being surrounded by books is my mood booster). Alone. No, I'm not an introvert. Ask my close friends or family, they know me really well. I just feel comfortable with my own company. I have m...

I am writing this with Kiss the Rain and Stay in Memory by Yiruma playing in Youtube. It seriously making me baper . I am trying to remember every single thing we've been through together in the past 3 months. But this is not gonna be a long post that show every details. It's just the voice of  my heart (I don't know how to say curahan hati in English). Sorry if there are some things missed. Our story started at 29th of November 2015. In the day before the opening of our course program, we decided to meet in the gate of ITB for looking for a language center building. There were only 8 of us. Some of us maybe already knew each other because we came from the same region. But mostly, that was our first meet. Oh yes, I already met Cintya the beautiful moon accidentally in Juanda airport before. The next day, we finally met each other. All of us. I remember we sat in the front, introduced our name and the place where we came from. I also remember the Jembernese came togethe...

It's been a week since the last time I wrote something here. I actually have so many things to write, but this time, I just want to share one of the finest day in the last 3 months. It's about my most awaited vacation with my friends. Today, we just had our amazing trip in this town, Bandung. This vacation actually planned since one month ago. But there were some things that made us postponed the plan. And after a fast-speed preparation, we finally done our trip to three famous places in one day. Tangkuban Perahu, Floating Market, and Farm House. It was exciting because these places are the place I haven't been before. This vacation started at 6.30 in the morning (which was an hour late from the plan). Tangkuban Perahu was the first destination. We had our breakfast there, on the way from parking lot to Tangkuban Perahu. Then, we went to Floating Market, prayed   dhuhur , then we enjoyed the lake by boat. It was extremely fun! It was actually not about enjoyi...

There are three things that always make me want to run away when I faced them. They are always get me on nerves whenever I have to face one of them. The first one is entering new environment and facing new people. Second, injection and medicine, and the last one, being proposed. Entering new environment is really exciting yet worrying me at the same time. There will be many questions come to my head, 'will I survive'? 'will the people like me?' 'will I feel suitable with them?' But the most important question is, will the people accept and respect me? myself? my presence? my weakness? Being acceptable is always be my number one problem when facing new people. That's why when I already feel comfort with my surrounding, I will always want to be with them forever, I don't want to change my circumstances. Unluckily, the world is not always work as you wish. Your surrounding will not last forever. The changes of circumstances is an inevitability that you ha...

Assalamualaikum.. Finally I can successfully drag my self to write something here. As I wrote in my recent post, I had the second progress test of TOEFL couple days ago (weeks maybe). And the result revealed the next day. ANDDDDD!!! I got much better score this time! yeay!! Alhamdulillah. Well, I didn't expect to get this score, because I had so much trouble during the test. In the first section, Listening Comprehension Section, I lost my focus (as always), and I tried to applied one of our teacher's trick, that is read and translate the options first before listen the conversation and choose the right answer. But I ended up trying to guess what the question will be and it confound my focus. The trick didn't work on me. And what even worse is that I cannot fill the answer sheet after I choose the answer. And in the end of the test, I need extra time to fill my answer into the answer sheet. I think I'd better to listen the conversation and listen the question ...

Hello there! How's your life so far? It is boring, isn't it? I promise you it will be much happier after you find me. Husband, I haven't know who you are, where are you now, what is your goal in life, your desire, your favorite food or drinks, your sports, your games, your books, and many other things. But it doesn't matter now. We will know each other as the time goes by. Actually this letter is about some things that I want to tell you. There are some things I want you to know about me. Maybe it can be your consideration before you take me as a part of your life (as you read it, just imagine that we already had our relationship). It's not for my benefit, it is for ours. Both of us. So please, read to the very end. 1. I am human and I have weakness. I am human, I make mistakes, I commit sins. But trust me, I'm on my way to be a better person now. I have trying to fix myself before I decided to take a bigger responsibility as your wife. I will always t...

Dear Dad, How was your day? I actually do not know how to start this letter. Well, let me thank you first. Dad, thank you for raising me up very well. When I was kid, thank you for always be my friend, my close friend, thank you for forcing me to perform five times prayer, thank you for forcing me to brush my teeth every night before I go to bed. thank you for buying me a lot of books, thank you for buying me many chocolates, thank you for teaching me to spend money wisely, thank you for helping me doing my homework, thank you for everything I can not mention here. And when I grew up, thank you for teaching me to always be thankful for everything I have in life, thank you for letting me decide my own future, thank you for letting me choose what I want to be, thank you for calling me just to remind me to have my lunch, thank you for calling me just to asking about my health, thank you for warning me to not have a boyfriend, thank you for teaching me to be a brave ...