Langsung ke konten utama

I don't know what's wrong with me

1. I like hanging out with people. But when I spend too much time hanging around there and there, I will miss my room so much. I need at least a whole day to stay at my room, to refill my mind on my own space.

2. But eventho I like being alone at my room after I'm done with humans, I don't like to be alone for a long time. When I am just with myself, my feeling and thingking will go beyond the limit. Haha. And it makes my mood unstable. I hate the feeling of not-really-sure-about-this-feeling-but-I-just-feel-wrong. So I need someone to talk to. Or even just a chit chat on whatsapp. I need companion to keep me sane. Being alone is sometimes frustrating.

3. I'm getting tired with social media. I quit facebook, I quit path, I uninstal my instagram (yes I still have an instagram account, the private one), I uninstall twitter, and I plan to uninstal tumblr but I still need a platform to express my mind. I rarely do blogwalking now, and I mute every updates on whatsapp except my family's and some of my friends'. Huft, I'll back whenever I'm ready.

4. I don't know why I keep updating status on whatsapp and regret it.

5. I can't get focus at my room.

6. I don't like to be a plinplan person. I'm actually not one. But sometimes I know what I want but I know I can't do it but I still want it, so it gives me an internal battle.

7. I always think that people have bad thoughts about me. And I'm tired dealing with that kind of thinking.

8. it turns out getting out from routines does not feel any good and now I'm trying to get back to my regular habit.

Huft. That's all for now. See you on the next update wkwk.

Komentar

Posting Komentar

Postingan populer dari blog ini

Ramadhan

 Walaupun masih banyak sekali kekurangan, Ramadhan tahun ini ternyata merupakan salah satu Ramadhan terbaik yang bisa saya jalani. Anak yang sudah lebih besar dan mandiri, jarak tempat tinggal dan kantor yang hanya 5 langkah, dan jam kerja yang lebih fleksibel, mungkin adalah beberapa hal yang membuat Ramadhan kali ini terasa lebih khidmat. Ramadhan-ramadhan sebelumnya sebagai ibu hamil, menyusui, ibu dengan bayi menuju toddler, jam kerja yang masih padat, membuat saya kewalahan dalam mengatur ibadah. Puasa jelas banyak yang ketinggalan. Sholat sunnah sebisanya saja, yang penting sholat wajib tidak ketinggalan. Sholat tarawih dan Qur'an? Selalu diusahakan sebisanya. Duo ibadah primadona di bulan Ramadhan ini harus diikhlaskan karena masih sering ketempelan bocil. Meskipun kadang merasa sedih karena Ramadhan selalu menjadi waktu istimewa untuk umat Muslim, nyatanya saya hanya bisa melaluinya dengan ibadah 'alakadarnya'. Lalu saya bertemu dengan sebuah nasihat dari ukhti fill...
Posting Komentar
Baca selengkapnya

31

 Kebetulan kemarin baru ulang tahun yang ke 31 bareng suami, dan kami merayakannya di UGD Rumah Sakit :))) Alhamdulillah ala kulli haal Dalam sebulan belakangan ada cukup banyak pemicu stress yang bikin saya cukup kewalahan. Tapi selama saya bisa punya waktu tidur malam yang cukup, maka saya baik-baik saja. 2 diantara stressor tersebut adalah berita duka yang begitu mendadak. Sebagai sesorang yang takut kehilangan, dada saya sesak setiap kali mengingat kejadiannya. Salah satu keluarga yang kami sayangi berpulang, begitu cepat. Semakin memahamkan saya bahwa kematian itu begitu dekat. Bahwa hidup kita cuma sebentar saja di dunia. Setiap kali ada berita duka, selain mendoakan almarhum, saya juga berdoa semoga Allah memberi kelapangan untuk keluarga yang ditinggalkan, karena memang sesakit itu merasakan perubahan yang mendadak, butuh waktu cukup lama untuk membiasakan diri dengan ketiadaan seseorang. Saya pun berdoa jika kelak orang tua saya yang dipanggil duluan, hati saya diberi kela...
Posting Komentar
Baca selengkapnya

After They Left

I used to like to be alone. I can do anything I want without worrying about others. I always enjoy my me-time. I like to go to anywhere with myself because going with others will make me be depending on them. I liked to explore new places with myself. Yes, my self is enough for my company. I enjoyed being with my own. I liked to stay at my room for hours (with bunch of snacks, good movies, good dramas, good books). I didn't need any internet connection, I never touched my phone, and the door and window were always closed. Yes, I really enjoyed that. Sometimes, I went to the public space just with my own. Looking at the people, taking picture, doing silly things, alone. Sometimes I just went around the city by motorcycle with no direction. Alone. Sometimes I spent hours in bookstore (Being surrounded by books is my mood booster). Alone. No, I'm not an introvert. Ask my close friends or family, they know me really well. I just feel comfortable with my own company. I have m...
2 komentar
Baca selengkapnya